Funny Quotes

Hey I was just surfing the web and I found a page with a bunch of funny quotes I wanted to show u. So here they are:

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!

What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.